Parenting Burn Out
Parenting neurodivergent children can, at times, be extraordinarily hard and stressful. The worry, the constant appointments, trialling medications, managing melt downs, learning new parenting approaches, getting calls from school – the list goes on and on.
And the worry and the stress build up over time. It is cumulative, like a fizzy drink bottle being shaken and shaken with no way to relieve the build-up.
Recognising that you are entering burn out can be hard though. It can creep up on you so slowly that you don’t realise how bad it has gotten. But learning to recognise the signs of impending burn out is important.
Think if a time you have been in burn out, or stressed, or in an intense period of difficulty with your kid. Then, think about what happens when you are at home, in your safest place, unmasked.
Here’s what I do:
I watch shows and movies I have seen before – I have zero capacity for new content.
I eat comfort foods – I have no interest in making something new.
I have a very low threshold for my children and husband – the smallest things make me snap.
I don’t enjoy my family as much as normal – everything seems less joyful, and I don’t seem to be able to engage and enjoy their company.
I take on more mental load and become more pedantic about systems and routines - everything needs to be just right, and nothing else can ‘slip’ out of control.
My ability to be flexible goes way down because I am having to flex daily to accommodate my children who – and here is the key insight for me - are in burn out. The trigger for my burn out is my children being in burn out.
There is no easy solution for this. But having now experienced this pattern a few times, I can comfort myself in knowing it will pass. I can recognise the signs and forgive myself for all of the above. I can put any small energy reserves I have left to help my child out of burn out knowing that will also end my burn out.
Take the time to notice how your behaviour changes when you are approaching burn out, and be kind to yourself.