Punitive Approaches for ND Kids
As parents/carers and educators of neurodivergent children, we all share the same goal: to help each child thrive. However, when it comes to addressing behavioural challenges, we often face different hurdles, especially when traditional disciplinary methods—like punishment and reward systems—don’t seem to have the intended effect.
Punitive discipline techniques—such as time-outs, loss of privileges, taking away devices, detention—have traditionally been seen as ways to correct “misbehaviour.”
However, for neurodivergent children, this approach can be counterproductive for several reasons:
Difficulty Understanding Consequences: some neurodivergent students struggle to make the connection between their behaviour and the resulting punishment. For students with autism or ADHD, for example, impulsivity and sensory overload can make it challenging to reflect on their actions in the moment.
Increased Anxiety and Stress: Punishment can heighten a child's stress levels, making it even harder for them to manage their emotions or behaviours. What may start as a small challenge can quickly escalate, creating a cycle of frustration for both the child and the parent or teacher.
Reinforcing Negative Emotions: Instead of teaching new, more appropriate behaviours, punitive approaches can deepen feelings of shame, frustration, and isolation. When neurodivergent children feel misunderstood, it can damage their self-esteem and hinder their ability to trust the adult figures in their lives.
Missed Growth Opportunities: Traditional discipline often focuses on stopping the behaviour, but it doesn't address the root causes. Is the child overwhelmed by the environment? Are they having trouble communicating their needs or emotions? Is the expectation on them to high? Without understanding the why behind the behaviour, it’s difficult to understand what is really happening for the child.
What Works: Supportive, Understanding Approaches
Rather than relying on punishment, we can implement strategies that foster understanding, connection, and growth. These strategies can be used both at home and in the classroom and can help neurodivergent children develop skills for managing their emotions, behaviours, and learning.
Positive Reinforcement: Recognise and reward positive behaviours rather than focusing on punishment. This could include praise, small rewards, or a token system. Reinforcing good behaviour helps neurodivergent children feel motivated and supported, encouraging them to continue engaging in productive behaviours.
Redirection: If a child is engaged in a disruptive behaviour, try redirecting their attention to a more appropriate activity. This could mean providing a calming task, guiding them to a quieter area, or offering a sensory tool. By preventing escalation early on, we can help children better manage their feelings and reactions.
Collaborative Problem-Solving: Involve children in conversations about their behaviour. Ask them what might be triggering their feelings and help them find solutions together. This empowers children to understand and manage their emotions while building a stronger, trusting relationship between adults and children.
Clear Routines and Predictability: Neurodivergent children often thrive in environments where they know what to expect. A consistent routine—along with visual schedules or transition warnings—can reduce anxiety and make it easier for children to self-regulate. When children feel prepared, they’re more likely to engage positively.
Sensory Breaks: Many neurodivergent children experience sensory sensitivities. Offering sensory breaks—whether it’s a movement activity, a quiet space, or a fidget tool—can help children stay regulated and focused.
Empathy and Connection: Above all, approach each situation with empathy. Instead of reacting with frustration, take a moment to understand what the child may be experiencing. Whether at home or in the classroom, creating a compassionate environment helps children feel understood and supported.
Let’s always remember ‘Kids Do Well When They Can’ (Dr Ross Greene). If an ND child is struggling, showing non-preferred behaviours or pushing boundaries try and be curious and ask yourself why.
Disciplining/setting boundaries and encouraging positive behaviours with neurodivergent children requires a shift in mindset—away from punishment and toward understanding and empathy. It’s about meeting the child where they are at, recognising their needs, and providing the support they need to thrive.
When we take a proactive, compassionate approach to boundary setting, we help neurodivergent children develop the skills they need to thrive—not just at home and in the classroom, but in the world beyond it.