Declarative Language

Declarative language is great for any child who find demands hard or threatening (hello PDA profiles, I’m looking at you).

Unlike traditional directive language, which tells children what to do, declarative language focuses on making statements or observations. This approach can be particularly helpful for neurodivergent kids, as it encourages engagement, reduces anxiety, and promotes social learning.

Instead of instructing the child on what to do, declarative language provides them with information, often in the form of observations, facts, or descriptions. This can feel less demanding and more neutral, which is especially beneficial for autistic or ADHD children, who may experience stress or anxiety when given direct commands.

For children with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, learning how to use declarative language can feel like the Holy Grail of parenting techniques.

Here are some examples:

Instead of “come and eat your sandwich” try “your sandwich is on the table”

Instead of “you need to hop in the bath” try “the bath is full”

Inset of “do your homework” try “your homework is due tomorrow”

Statements like these give children time to digest, consider and act with autonomy. Win, win.

Yes, it takes practice and it’s important to avoid sounding stressed, pointed or passive aggressive. But once you get a handle on it you will stop activating your NDer with language and have a much calmer household.