Understanding the ‘circle of control’ and advocacy
When it comes to advocating for your neurodivergent child, it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly pushing against walls — policies, systems, people, paperwork.
Advocacy can feel extremely daunting. Where to begin? What to say? How hard to push?
The truth is that you can’t control everything. The secret to effective advocacy is knowing what is in your circle of control — and letting go of what isn’t.
You can’t control how a teacher manages their classroom. You can’t be there on the playground. You can’t rewrite the curriculum or make every staff member understand neurodivergence the way you do.
But you can control how you show up in conversations.
You can choose to communicate respectfully and clearly — even when you’re frustrated.
You can share information about your child that helps others understand their neurotype, their sensory preferences, their strengths.
You can decide what happens before and after school to support regulation — the routines, rest, snacks, and connection that bookend their day.
You can ask questions that show you are open to hearing from others, instead of making assumptions.
You can acknowledge that teachers also have boundaries, pressures, and limited resources.
Respecting the autonomy of school staff doesn’t mean backing down — it means you’re playing the long game for collaboration, not confrontation.
Just like building a strong relationship with your child means focussing on ‘connection over correction’, the same is true for successfully advocating for your child with others.
You also hold more power than you think.
You can request a meeting with the principal or the learning support team.
You can go higher — to the Department of Education — if you’re not being heard.
You can learn your child’s rights and use them as a guide, not a threat.
You can ask for accommodations: different ways to complete assignments, alternative homework expectations, sensory supports, or flexible seating.
And yes, you can decide that if a school environment is truly not working, you have permission to leave.
Your role isn’t to control every moment of your child’s day — it’s to advocate within your sphere of influence.
When you focus your energy on what you can do — not what you can’t — you become the kind of advocate schools listen to. You conserve your energy for the moments that matter, and you teach your child one of the most powerful lessons they’ll ever learn: how to stand up for themselves with clarity, not conflict.