The Character Assassinations of ADHD

If you’ve ever heard words like lazy, unmotivated, naughty, disruptive, careless, or too much thrown at your child—you know these aren’t just passing comments. They land deep. For both you and your child.

This is what I call the character assassinations of ADHD.

Our children aren’t broken. Their brains just work differently. Yet, too often, their challenges are mistaken for flaws in character. What looks like “daydreaming” is actually a brain overwhelmed. What’s seen as “defiance” might really be anxiety, needing a movement break, sensory overload, or a need for more information or clearer instructions.

When these judgments come at our kids, they don’t just erode self-esteem—they become the stories our kids start telling themselves. “I’m not good enough.” “I always get it wrong.” “I hate my brain.”

I see this everyday working with adult clients as an ADHD coach. It is probably one of the main things we have to spend time undoing before we can even begin work on goal setting and moving forward. And part of the reason these adults hate their brains is because of a lifetime of underhanded – or sometimes straight to your face – criticisms, about their struggles being ND in a neurotypical world. A zebra raised amongst horses – mostly the same, but somehow different.

As parents, it’s heartbreaking. But we’re not powerless. We can:

·       Name the difference. Gently explain to our kids that ADHD means their brain works uniquely—it doesn’t make them “bad.”

·       Challenge the story. When someone labels your child, ask: “What’s another way we can understand this behaviour?”

·       Flood them with truth. Notice and name their strengths, their kindness, their creativity, their persistence.

ADHD is not a character flaw.

Our kids deserve to grow up with a sense of pride in who they are, not shame about how they’re wired. And when we speak up, we help rewrite the story—not just for our children, but for every child who has ever been misjudged.